Driving by Starlight
by t-ray999
Summary: On a night like tonight, I can't help but feel I'm the reason for any price I'll pay. The cost of lies is rising high tonight. - Mello takes a drive alone and contemplates his choices over the past three years. Mello-centric Songfic.


**Character: **Mello, mentions of Matt**  
Pairing: **Implied Mello!Matt in the past**  
Spoilers:** Slight spoilers for the second arc (but if you haven't read that, why are you here?)**  
Warnings: **Slight language, moodiness, Mello being Mello  
**Song: **_Driving by Starlight_ by Minus My Thoughts (local band who is now gone) Can be found with a simple youtube search of "2x04 Driving by Starlight" (don't think I can link on FF)  
**Author's Note: **This was a simple oneshot songfic that I've had in my mind for the past few weeks and finally took the time to write out last night. The song has been near and dear to me for over five years now, it's about time I shared it with the world a bit more.

-~*~-

_On a night like tonight, my memory's begging for silence and a long, dark drive. Down back roads for miles and miles, keeping the radio quiet, driving with no headlights._

He drove silently, not entirely sure of his final destination. To be completely honest, he hadn't really known where he was going for the past three years since leaving Wammy's, just that he had to go. All he knew was that for once, for what felt like the first time in weeks, he needed to get away. The mafia was fine, the brainless goons suited his purposes when he needed them, but there was never a silent moment in the hideout. There was always someone at his door at every moment of the day, asking him his opinion on this drug deal or that shipment of guns that had just been apprehended. Mello was by no means a quiet, contemplative soul, but he had his moments.

Tonight he needed silence; he needed the peace of the dark empty roads, the only sounds being the purr of the car's engine, the creak of the tight black leather encasing his body, and the snap of the chocolate bar pressed to his lips. Silently sucking on the strip of chocolate resting on his tongue, he glanced towards the passenger seat. If things had turned out differently, it wouldn't be empty. If he hadn't left Matt at Wammy's, if he hadn't broken his promise, the night would be filled with the sound of softly tapping keys and the muttered curses as Matt battled the next boss on one of his games.

_The passenger seat is laughing at me, still holding the shape of your memory. _

"Shut the fuck up."

He glared at the passenger seat as if it was at fault for Matt not being there next to him. The empty leather seat silently accused him of the betrayal he often stayed up at night trying to convince himself he didn't commit. Mello shook his blond hair out of eyes with irritation, snapping another piece of chocolate off with his teeth before pulling off to the side of the road. He slid out of the car with a soft hiss of leather, slamming the door viciously behind him. Tilting his head back, he stared up at the sky silently, rubbing his chocolaty tongue against the back of his teeth.

_Why don't the stars collide? It seems to me the sky is overcrowded, and my wishes can't decide which white, faded point of light holds answers. In this night, my thoughts are clouded, but my eyes still shine so bright._

The stars winked at him in synchrony, twinkling on and off in little flickers as if they too were laughing at him, reminding him of the friendship he'd most likely lost. Mello wasn't sure where Matt was; he sure as hell wasn't at Wammy's anymore, Mello had checked. Not long after Mello had cleared out, Matt had disappeared as well. Idly, before his analytical and rational mind had caught up with him, Mello wondered if Matt was looking at these same stars, wondering about his location too. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Thinking such things was childlike, stupid. Matt didn't care where he was anymore. After all, Mello had left first.

_On a night like tonight, I can't help but feel I'm the reason for any price I'll pay.__**  
**__The cost of lies is rising high tonight._

It didn't matter anymore. Tomorrow (or was it later today?), if all went as planned, he would be in possession of a death note. There was no room for failure; he would either achieve his ends, or be taken down fighting. Everything he had worked for over the past three years came down to this upcoming exchange: Sayu Yagami for a Death Note. He had manipulated his way through the mafia for this very moment.

_But I guess it's about time for the coming and going of  
seasons.__**  
**__Nothing gold can stay._

There was no use dwelling on it. If Matt wanted to find him, he would. He was a genius as well after all. Perhaps he too, like Mello, had finally grown up and given up on his idealistic childhood fantasies of a normal, happy life. The times were changing, and Mello was determined to come out on the top. He shook the remaining fantasies of red hair and goggles out of his mind, shoving the last bite of chocolate into his mouth before jerking the car door back open and sliding inside.

_This time I'll drive for miles, and I'll forget._

The car purred to life easily, just as it always did. Mello turned back the way he had come, headed back to the lights of LA. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and he needed to be well rested, well prepared. There was no room for distraction tonight, it was stupid to have allowed his mind to drift as long as it had. With another irritable growl, Mello shoved the last of his thoughts into the back of his mind, trying not to notice a gloved hand waving a goodbye nor hear the muttered "see ya" drifting through the foggy recesses of his memory. Matt was left behind for a reason. There was no room for him in this world of guns and explosions.

A nagging voice whispered from the passenger's seat that this wasn't true, and Mello chose to ignore it. Tomorrow, he had a job to do.

_If I could, I'd turn this car around, but the road's too  
narrow and I'm too proud._


End file.
